May 2013
20 posts
Why the fuck did retreat have to be during memorial weekend. This always makes me mad. NOT LETTING ME ENJOY MY DAMN WEEKEND. I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A GREAT GETAWAY TO GET CLOSER WITH GOD BUT FOR GOODNESS SAKE. I NEED TO CATCH UP ON SLEEP BUT HERE WE ARE WAKING UP AT FUCKING 5 TO SING WORDS THAT WE DON’T EVEN MEAN. I seriously just doubt everything nowadays.
LOL, the After Earth trailer got me thinking. He said that fear is a choice.
Every emotion is a choice. You choose to feel it. Now that I think of it this way. It’s just so simple. All too simple.
I’ve never felt so weak in my whole entire life.
I’m about to fucking break down right now. I know you can’t pick up because you’re busy but I don’t know what to do. I’m so overwhelmed. Everything just had to fall on the same day. Jesus I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to call. This is what it feels like. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this. I feel like someone is just...
I hate it when you walk all over me. Like it doesn’t hurt my feelings.
“You’re annoying and fat.”
The only reason why I’m still friends with you is because you never fail to make me laugh no matter what mood I am in.
But today, you went too far. You spill salad dressing all over me and all over the carpet in the teacher’s classroom.
“Oops,...
I feel so mentally and physically weak.
I wish all of the sins in the world could condemn me. Then I could kill myself and there would be nothing but good left.
I’m sorry but I’m about to give up on myself. I can’t deal with myself anymore.
I’m sorry for feeling sad all of the time now. I won’t make it. I just won’t. Give me encouragement and I’ll try my hardest. But my fucking hardest will never be enough. Never. I’m returning to my old decision of rotting out on the streets.
1 tag
Because I felt like writing.
“And your name?”
I smiled and made myself seem mysterious.
“Celia.”
“It was nice meeting you, Madam,” said the man as he pressed his lips against my hand.
I watched him as he placed his fedora back on his smarmed down hair. He flashed a charming smile as he pushed on the doors of the building. He lit a cigarette and began on his way.
I turn back around,...
It’s times like these you just need to get drunk, high, and die.
A tree stands alone in a park. Tourists stepping on its roots. Dry weather makes it wither. Children spitting on its trunk. Gum being stuck on its bark. Maybe it’ll get some attention when some families take pictures with it. No. Its just for a second. Bark ripped off.
Blink. Gone.
A tractor tows the tree away. Replaced by a stern looking building.
The tree is replanted. But it can...
What the hell.
You want to go see your college mate instead of letting mom rest at home. You just pretty much ruined the fucking day with your anger. I’m done with your shit honestly. Usually the one causing problems in the family. Thanks a lot. We really fucking appreciate it.
And this is all on Mother’s Day. Yup. I’m definitely way more than done with your bullshit.
I miss being close to God. I need to go back to Gospel Camp 2012.
No I won’t let you.
No I won’t let you.
God you won’t let me grow up will you. Mom’s just doing fine with accepting it. But you treat me like a fucking kid. You think I can’t chop onions without cutting myself. You won’t let me go on jogs at night. You hate it when I’m home alone. The tone that you talk to me in is so stupid. Like I don’t know...
1 tag
I remember this song.
You showed it to me over the summer, and I was so hooked on it. But I can’t believe how lonely felt when I had went to Mexico. It was just so lonely. I was there for the Fourth of July and I remember looking up into the sky wishing that you were there with me.
No more. You fucked me over. You text me telling me that you have feelings for me? No, I will never ever get back with your selfish...
1 tag
He nervously twiddles his thumbs. His heart beating fast. He looks out the airplane window and slowly sees the clouds fade out of his sight…slowly…fading into a sight of brilliant city lights.
—
She sits nervously blinks, constantly looking at her watch to check the time.
“12:03”
She takes a long, deep breath, slowly slouching back into her seat.
—
...
I walk down these hallways passing by blurred faces. Everything feels like I’m in slow motion. I feel dead. I hear faded voices. Oops. I bit my lip to hard. Bleeding now.
Her hair tied in a loose bun. Wearing a white fleece tank top. She leans in her chair and taps her pencil on the desk.
Her hair all loose. Wearing a big sweater. She slouches in her chair and teardrops fall.
Her hair messy. Dirty clothes. Laying under her covers in bed with mascara running while her memories burn right through her head.
Shattered dishes. Bloody knees. Knives. Arms bruised. Torn down wallpaper. Crying. Crying. Crying. Crying. Crying. Crying. Crying. Crying. Crying. Crying.
April 2013
18 posts
“I want a boy who will send me letters and throw rocks at my window.” SHUT THE FUCK UP. For your fucking information, you tend to have much less communication if someone were to send letters to you and if someone were to throw rocks at your window. Its just plain logic. Texting and calling is HONEST TO GOD such a great way of communication. You’d rather wait days for someone’s reply on a piece of...
1 tag
A friend of mine has been aiming for UCLA for as long as I can remember. He ended up going to Pasadena City College because he needed 2 extra years to recover from the bad grades he had received throughout high school. I know he worked hard and made many sacrifices. He said that he wanted to transfer. So he did. And this Fall, he will be attending UCLA as a freshman.
As I saw all of the comments...
I’m about to fucking cry a river. I fit into size 2 jeans but now I fit into size 5’s? I’m not a petite anymore. I feel so fucking fat.
I hope I die.
I can’t lose you. God I just can’t.
I feel like you’re angry with me. Please don’t be.
I’m scared that I won’t be accepted to UCLA or USC. I’m scared that my dad won’t agree to me driving by this December. I’m scared that we might not have a future together. I’m scared that my parents would have something against you if they were to find out that we were dating. I’m scared for the future.
I'm just not feeling it today.
I don’t know. I kind of feel empty right now. Guess its my bipolarity hitting again.
If our future calls for us to be together for the rest of our lives, I will work hard every single damn day for you…for us.
My Message To KCC.
Hi everyone.
I would just like to thank all of you for being such great influences (yes, you too Michael). These past 2 years of Key Club have been amazing, inspiring me to do so much more for my community, school, city, friends, whatever the heck. My goodness. I don’t want to make this a long post. I don’t want to sugarcoat anything. But my time has come. I need to set my focus on...
Fast forward.
I wake up and rub my eyes. I smell the scent of our bed sheets. I turn around to see you sleeping soundly next to me. I smile and whisper,
“I love you.”
I move closer to you as I drift back to sleep, this time facing you.
I wish I was there with you. I wish I was being held in your arms. I just want to be in your arms forever. This blood rush. These quick beats of my heart. This mind of mine. I am in complete love with you. I’d do anything just to be with you right now.
1 tag
No one told you to help me. I’m doing fine without your help. I’m sick. So what? I’m not gonna fucking die. I was going to take medicine anyway. Calm the fuck down nigga.
I love you. So much. You’re the first boy I’ve ever truly loved. God. It IS repetitive! But goodness. I really do love you. I would never leave you. I want to make you happy always. I love you so much.
I love listening to you just talk. And talk. And talk. It makes me feel really safe. I honestly see something for us in the future.
1 tag
Everytime I see a picture of you with her, I tend to get jealous. We used to have something. But I guess I was blinded by other things, unable to see the feelings that you had for me. And there I was crying over and screaming to myself about how I was stupid for not seeing it. But I’m happy. For you two at least.
Everytime I listen to HoustAtlantaVegas, I just want to fly over a city. I just want to move to the city when I graduate. That’s it. Wake up. Make some coffee. Sit on my white bed sheets. Smile because I’ve finally gotten here.
